What an odd subject for Christmas but according to the British Association of Anger Management (BAAM) more than half of us have family disagreements at Christmas and the average family has its first argument at 9.58am on Christmas day morning. Not good for the season of goodwill to all men!
So what can you do to avoid all this angst?
The BAAM has come up with a superb check list to ease the festive season.
Pre- Christmas Preparation
Don’t give yourself a hard time about making Christmas perfect – it is not all your responsibility and it is just one day in the year.
Think about what makes you angry and work out in advance how you are going to deal with it.
Plan to share the responsibility for the day. Get firm agreements on what each person will do adults and children alike.
Do as much as possible in advance.
Agree with other family members rules and arrangements that will make things go smoothly.
On the Festive Day(s)
Don’t drink too much, alcohol fuels arguments.
Listen to what other people are saying, show you understand their point of view even if you do not agree. Don’t shout, speak. Don’t argue, discuss.
If you feel that you are getting angry, remove yourself from the situation. Go for a walk. Give yourself time to calm and think about the bigger picture. You can always use the excuse you have overeaten and need to walk it off!
If you shout, other people will shout back!
Try not to cover controversial matters on the ‘phone, email or text. Seeing the other person gives vital body language clues to how they are feeling.
Break recurring conversations that always lead to argument. Change the subject as smoothly as you can.
If you are getting frustrated, take deep breaths and count to 10. Think about the consequences and step back.
Accept the inevitable (mess, relations you may prefer not to spend time with etc).
Look at the positives (happy memories for the children, enjoying the meal etc)
For the young people
Try to get enough rest before Christmas day as tiredness makes everyone grumpy.
If you get overexcited or if some-one is annoying you, walk away and find a quiet place.
If your brothers or sisters are annoying you, tell a grown-up who isn’t busy.
You may find listening to your favourite music or repeating a calm word to yourself while breathing deeply will help avoid an angry outburst.
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